There's A Fine, Fine Line
by BonesBird
Summary: Well. Take a wild guess. Haley/Hotch. Set in season 4. Angsty-ish.


**Title: There's A Fine, Fine Line  
****Author: BonesBird  
****Summary: Well. Take a wild guess. Haley/Hotch. Set in season 4. Angsty-ish.  
****Disclaimer: I shouldn't have to say this anymore...  
****Lyrics: It's A Fine, Fine Line - Stephanie D'Abruzzo - Avenue Q  
****(full AN at end) As ever. For Sheila. Perfect song for Hotch/Haley**

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There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between a lover and a friend**_

_Knowing he was back from his most recent case reminded her of the main reason she had called time to their marriage. She hadn't been able to be his mistress any longer. He was a workaholic, and was good at his job. There were all the reasons, good reasons, why they had broken up to begin with. The one thing she was struggling with was the separation of their instincts. When he was down, even now, she wanted to wrap him up. But crossing the line she had drawn was not an option._

_**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between reality and pretend**_

He hadn't spent as much time with Jack as he should have done. Whenever he saw Jack, it meant seeing Haley, and his feelings on his ex-wife. The cases he worked now made him glad that Haley and Jack were slightly protected from the downside of his job. He just wanted to spend a weekend, or as much time as his job would allow him, with his son, and by extension his ex wife. Their lives were turned to each other, forever, because of the small person they had created together.

_**And you never know til you reach the top  
**__**If it was worth the uphill climb**_

_She wanted him to spend as much time with Jack as he could. She knew that his job was difficult, and that there were occasionally times when he needed to see Jack just to know that Jack was fine, and nothing bad had happened to him. Sometimes she liked to fool herself into thinking he wanted to see her too. She knew it was unlikely to be true, she had broken his heart, and then stopped him changing anything. He kept her and Jack well, and made sure they never wanted for anything. But there were things she wanted that he just couldn't provide any longer_

_**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between love and a waste of time**_

He still loved her, but walking the line between where they were and where they should be was difficult, for both of them. He wanted to move on, but he didn't think he could. She had made it clear that she thought anything between them was done. However much he wanted to turn back the time and show her that everything was fine, that he would prioritise her more than he did his job. However much he tried to tell himself that, he knew that he did what he would always do.

_**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between a fairytale and a lie**_

_Their lives had been anything but simple, she knew that. The issues they had, in having Jack, and the wider issues, his insecurity, her short temper. Their mutual likes and dislikes. She had lived, and supported him, through college, law school. Everything he had done until the BAU had entered their lives. There was only so much that she could handle, and with Jack she reached her limit. She felt like she had no support, and his job came first._

_**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye"**_

He was always happy to arrive at their house, Haley's house now. They had laughed, and sang, and joked, and loved in this house. Despite the bad things at the end of his time there, he always thought of the good things that had happened in that house. Jack playing. Summer parties and Christmas dinners. The house still smelt familiar, a comforting smell that always buoyed his spirits, and after a case like the one they had just ended, he needed that familiarity. He needed his son, but he needed to see her too. He'd never admit it to her. He couldn't admit it to her.

_**I guess if someone doesn't love you back  
**__**It isn't such a crime**_

_She understood how he felt, but it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted a husband she could depend on for everything. Aaron had filed most of the boxes. But there were some things that he never filled. He was always working. Even when at home he was working. Even now, he occasionally brought work with him, and would sit playing with Jack while reading a case file. She hated him having that type of thing so near their son. The lack of time he dedicated to his son upset her as well. But his job came first._

_**But There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between love and a waste of your time**_

Walking up the driveway he saw her in the window. Knocking on the door he laughed as Jack ran to the door. He picked up his son, and smiled as Haley came to shut the door behind him. The tension was ignored by the 3 year old, but he felt the stress that Haley was clearly still holding. He knew he was likely to be told he couldn't only give her a half hour warning before coming to see Jack. He wanted them to be friends, as anything more had already been shot down. She wasn't accepting him that was though. He always felt out of control with Haley around, and he hated that.

_**And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore  
**__**I don't think that you even know what you're looking for**_

_She watched him play with Jack, sitting in the living room. She had to admit he was a great dad, and Jack worshipped him. Loved the small amount of time they got to spend together. Haley could never willing stop Aaron from seeing Jack. It would be so much worse for Jack. All she wanted was a family life that wasn't complicated. But for as long as she and Aaron remained tied, there would always be some new complication._

_**For my own sanity I've gotta close the door  
**__**And walk away.**_

His life would be much less without Haley and Jack in it. Even without her being his wife, she was still one of the people he depended on most. They still talked a lot, all the time in fact. But as friends now. He was walking on a line. The line that was becoming less and less clear to him as the days went by. Haley was the foremost thought in his mind most days. She and Jack were all he had, aside from work. Without one the other would be meaningless, and he didn't know how to separate that.

_**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between together and not**_

_Did she still love him? Well that was the question she asked herself every day. The easy, simple and still true answer was yes. She loved him. But there was so much more in the question than just that. There were questions she had to ask that went alongside that. Could she cope with his job, could she cope with his lifestyle. Could she go back to being the second thing in his life. Could she let Jack be disappointed by him time and again. No. There was so much more in this than love._

_**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between what you wanted, and what you got**_

Regardless of how he felt. It was done. The line was there for a reason. It was a fine line. But it was there. Between everything they had. Everything they did. Now he was content to have her in his life in any way she'd let him remain. In their divorce they had both been in the right and the wrong. There was no other way to put it. There was a lot for them to talk about, but not a lot for them to share. As long as she talked to him. He'd be fine.

_**You gotta go after the things you want  
**__**While you're still in your prime  
**__**There's a fine, fine line  
**__**Between love, and a waste of time.**_

**

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So. For those of you who DON'T know. I saw Avenue Q on Tuesday (13/7) and it was AMAZING. I sat in the theatre while she was singing this song (not SD - whoever was performing it in London) and I thought "I have to write a fic to that" - I suggest you go look it up. It shows how amazing Stephanie D'Abruzzo is. **


End file.
